France’s Karma: When the Colonizer Trips Over Its Own Croissant

Vive la Collapse!

France, that self-appointed beacon of “liberty, equality, fraternity,” is now wobbling like a drunk tourist on the Champs-Élysées. Parliament can’t govern, protests clog the streets, and Emmanuel Macron looks less like a president and more like a waiter avoiding eye contact with angry customers.

If this collapse happens, it won’t be tragedy. It’ll be karma. After all, France spent centuries “restructuring” Africa — and by restructuring, we mean stealing land, rewriting borders with crayons, and demanding payment for the privilege of being colonized.

The Fine Art of Pillage

Let’s remember:

In Niger, France extracted uranium so its lights in Paris could shine while Nigerien villages stayed dark.

In Côte d’Ivoire, cocoa went one way, while debt went the other.

Through the CFA franc, Africa’s money was literally babysat in French banks — like a parent who never lets go of the car keys.

Now the French state is begging for budget cuts at home. Quelle surprise! Maybe it should invoice itself for centuries of colonial “administrative fees.”

African Revolts, French Déjà Vu

Africans kicked France out of Mali, Burkina Faso, and Niger. They said, “Merci, but non merci. Keep your soldiers, your NGOs, and your attitude.”

Back home, French workers are now basically doing the same thing: strikes, blockades, and chants of “Macron dégage!” The only difference? In Africa, protesters dodged French tanks. In Paris, they just dodge tear gas and baguettes of austerity.

It’s as if France exported chaos for so long it finally boomeranged back, croissant-shaped and flaming.

Karma in a Beret

So if France collapses under protests, political gridlock, and economic despair, it won’t just be a headline. It’ll be poetic justice. The colonizer that told Africa how to run its business now can’t run its own.

Maybe one day African leaders will fly to Paris and offer “development aid”:

>A lecture on good governance in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.

>A $20 loan with 200 pages of fine print.

A stern warning that France must respect international law, or else.

Because if history teaches us anything, it’s that empires don’t last forever. And when France’s collapse comes, it will taste less like champagne and more like stale wine vinegar. Santé, France — Africa’s been waiting for this toast.